Disappointments in Faith

Something I didn’t think about Moses’ story was when God appeared to him in the burning bush, Moses had been through an ordeal that cost him everything. Growing up in Egypt, Moses had lived kind of a charmed life. He had a miraculous rescue story as a baby that put him in Pharaoh’s household and was educated in all the wisdom of the Egyptians. He had everything physically a person could ask for as far as wealth, position, and stature. But he had lost it all when he had gone to help the Israelites and wound up fleeing into exile.

So for Moses taking a leap of faith did not automatically put him in a better position. In fact, it seemed to make things a thousand times worse. Moses went from knowing his purpose was to lead the Israelites out of Egypt to when God appeared to him in the burning bush 40 years later, asking God to send someone else. Moses lost faith both in his purpose, but even in the idea that God intended to use him.

That’s not how I expect faith to go. I think of faith as believing God is going to deliver and then watching Him do so. But for Moses, that was not the order of things. Moses knew God was using him to rescue the people at age 40. Moses failed to rescue the people and landed in exile. So for 40 years he lived as though he was not only incapable of rescuing the people, but that he had completely blown his only chance to do so. That’s a long time to live believing you have failed. Then, long after Moses expected anything to happen in that area, God comes onto the scene to tell Moses to go back to Egypt.

I want you to think about how hard that must have been for Moses to hear. The first time, Moses jumped, no questions asked and tried to help the Israelites and had lost everything for his trouble. So now God is coming in and telling Moses to go back to Egypt to help his people. But Moses isn’t so eager this time. Not after what it cost him last time. And not after realizing he was not equipped to deliver the people on his own strength and wisdom.

The thing about where Moses is here is that now Moses is in a position to start asking God some questions. Some things that maybe he didn’t think through the first time. Now I’ve always heard of these as excuses Moses gave to God, but the more I study this story, the more I see Moses actually needed more information going into this, because the last time, Moses didn’t ask any questions and went on his own understanding of how things needed to be done. And that was not going to cut it. God wasn’t calling Moses to come in and lead the operation. God was calling Moses to follow His plan. And only God’s plan was going to be sufficient to deliver an enslaved people from their oppressors.

As we are being called by God to do a task, we need to learn to let Him take the lead. But we also need to know there are times when God also wants to know our hearts. Moses’ heart at age 40 was fully willing to do whatever God called him to do, and that was good. But Moses at age 80 was wiser in the sense that now he knew his way of doing things didn’t cut it the first time. But also at age 80, he was reluctant to go and that was not good. That’s where God got angry with Moses, because Moses was almost unwilling to go. But Moses did well to ask questions, because God’s answers were the key to Moses success. The answers God gave all revolved around God being the source of success.

Each season provided something Moses was going to need in order to do what God was calling him to do. The first 40 years of his life spared his life, acquainted him with the way of the Egyptians, and made him into a man “powerful in speech and action.” The middle 40 years in exile prepared Moses for the last 40 years of his life when he would lead the people of Israel in the wilderness. It was also a humbling season for him which taught him to lean more completely on the wisdom of God rather than man’s wisdom. Sometimes it takes the failure to help us see our great need to lean on God’s plan instead of trying to rush into something God has called us to but not asking God for when, how and what to do.

I think Moses acted faithfully at age 40 but was going too much on his own insight. At age 80, he was more reluctant but more able to listen to God’s plan. Each place Moses had room to grow, but I believe still acted in faith which was well-pleasing to God as he obeyed. So as we go through our own lives of faith, there may be places where we are taught something even as we are acting in faith. It’s not something to beat ourselves up over, saying, “I should have known!” That’s actually what the lesson is for-to teach something we didn’t understand the first time through. So we are allowed grace as we are learning to live these lives of faith.